summers full of green

100th post. bye.

2010-03-28T13:48:00.004-05:00

this blog is officially closed.
see you.

Min s, Max

2010-02-18T12:00:00.003-06:00

Minneapolis

Minneola

([graustark on flickr])

three tercets

2010-01-21T16:00:00.004-06:00

lately all i do is go to bakeries and groceries and buy foods i've never had and then feel proud. do you guys know about skyr? it's like icelandic shrikhand and it's damn delicious.

tonight i will try a fruit i don't know the name of. i think it's some kind of custard apple, maybe a cherimoya. i hope it's as good as mark twain says.

if it is a cherimoya, i read that the seeds can be an insecticide, when crushed, and eating the skin can cause paralysis. how was there no warning sign at met foods? anyhow, thanks, internet.

WARMTH

2009-12-14T22:48:00.006-06:00

I come here when I think I've figured something out.

I've deduced (decided) that my life lacks warmth. I think that is why everything's making me cry (poems, plays, glimmers of brick): no hugs, no sunlit rooms, no heart-to-hearts, no loud music, no pets, no plants, no singing in the shower, no vanilla extract. This is a list of very silly things but god do these things make me ache. I chose so many things but I feel trapped (in a small way). When I'm unhappy, when I feel trapped, I resent the wrong things (people). This weekend I will fill up on warmth and try again. Try to bring it here.

this is how we breathe

2009-12-06T21:44:00.003-06:00

everything reminds me of everyone! pups and books and trees and hands and faces. which is how we know anything. and it all changes. what a thing. water glasses! imitations! god i love pretending things. the idea of things.

ideas and symbols and messages. i've talked to some people who underestimate the largeness of those and that's been a source of many of my frustrations lately. that, and knowing when someone else just isn't going to get it. or me. maybe there's no it. getting each other. i need to (like to) practice.

i really want to talk about god! but not theology. just everyone's fucked up ideas about spirits and decaying and cats and you and i.

...

rage, riot, rile, rrrrr

2009-11-25T12:29:00.003-06:00

i'm not actually mad about anything right now, i just like getting revved up about stuff. rrrrs = action, seems like.

we're starting a girl band. we're going to call ourselves 'bag of hair.' when i told will i said it's a name kind of like feminist art and he brought up the exact adrian piper piece i was thinking about. what will become of me?

ghosts!! existentially, that is what i think. i will become (am) an idea in other peoples' minds, memories, consciousnesses (is there a better way to pluralize that?) and i'll ghost around, linger. until i don't. maybe i'll have a gravestone and some kid will run a crayon over some paper over my name and that will be me, a ghost ghost ghost.

i don't know entirely what we'll sound like, but i want our band to sound like a genre that doesn't exist: feathercore.
(i work for that company now, btb.)

one time for work i had to strap a male underwear model into a pair of black costume wings and while i did we talked about ghosts. so now we're kind of chummy. after the wings were placed correctly i moved away and bopped his shoulder in a chummy way, but then he wasn't wearing a shirt so it was skin-to-skin. that was kind of weird because i hardly ever knock people on the shoulder in a chummy way and i've never chummily punched a shirtless person. but i don't really want to be chummy with models. i just want to hear about spirits and radio noise and brownstones.

2009-08-25T00:55:00.002-05:00

[ Fundación Rara Avis on flickr ]

There’s probably something annoying and redundant about some guy in 2009 talkin’ on a literature blog about how Ulysses changed his life, but here we are: after reading Ulysses, every trite minutiae of my days seemed veiled in an empathetic sheen, like, even though [my] life still sucked, at least it sucked while quivering in its own beauty — that we are empowered to edit our perception on things, and that our petty micro is philosophically macro. Joyce taught me (D.F. Wallace does this too) that the heart and mind can be friends, and just now and then, such good friends they are.

When I started reading these Ulysses excerpts I was getting pretty frustrated (bored). When Jimmy Chen wrote a bit about why he quoted those passages, though, they became so much more relevant. That's a lot of what I want in life--tell me why this is relevant; what will this do for us? what have I overlooked?

"...we are empowered to edit our perception on things...our petty micro is philosophically macro."

God, I dig that.

please return undamaged but not unchanged

2009-08-22T21:23:00.003-05:00

i'm thinking about jumping ship.

wordpress or maybe even just tumblr from here on out.
i'm tired of everything! i resent everything!
ahahahaha, that is not true at all.

pastimes, summer drives, dams and dogs, enchanting hands, and long letters.
i resent none of these things.

i wish i would have thought about medium a lot more while i was in school.
there is still a lot of time. there are a few less possibilities, but there are many more, many other, possibilities.

oblique bellies

2009-08-16T23:46:00.003-05:00

'Fill every beat with something'

oblique strategies twitter
(one of the few redeeming things about twitter)

**

Bellies are funny. Penguins can slide around on them. I think that's great.

Fabienne: I was looking at myself in the mirror.
Butch: Uh-huh?
Fabienne: I wish I had a pot.
Butch: You were lookin' in the mirror and you wish you had some pot?
Fabienne: A pot. A pot belly. Pot bellies are sexy.
Butch: Well you should be happy, 'cause you do.
Fabienne: Shut up, Fatso! I don't have a pot! I have a bit of a tummy, like Madonna when she did "Lucky Star," it's not the same thing.
Butch: I didn't realize there was a difference between a tummy and a pot belly.
Fabienne: The difference is huge.
Butch: You want me to have a pot?
Fabienne: No. Pot bellies make a man look either oafish, or like a gorilla. But on a woman, a pot belly is very sexy. The rest of you is normal. Normal face, normal legs, normal hips, normal ass, but with a big, perfectly round pot belly. If I had one, I'd wear a tee-shirt two sizes too small to accentuate it.
Butch: You think guys would find that attractive?
Fabienne: I don't give a damn what men find attractive. It's unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same.

**

One of the best things about having friends is that they boost you up. Agreeing to boost each other up, that's a big deal.

restless

2009-07-30T00:26:00.002-05:00

less rest less rest

Lately I have been sleeping very poorly. I am trying to self-diagnose but I don't know how useful that is because I just change small physical things haphazardly and can't tell if anything's helping.

I think I still get jazzed about some things but lately I feel weary. I wish I could tell people when I think they are lousing things up and I wish I could be honest more often. I've been trying in small doses and mostly it goes over alright. Sometimes I think I think too much but most of the time I think I don't think enough at all. Not in the right ways, anyhow.

I wish that things could surprise me. I don't know if anything has for a long time. People are horrible and that's not surprising and people are kindhearted and that's not too surprising. Life is disappointing and I can't be surprised by that because I'm always preparing myself for life to be disappointing. And sometimes life sparkles and that's not surprising because I expect that, too. I read once that parents should quit telling their kids they are special. I'm wondering if my sort of constantly unfazed state is the culmination of years of being told/thinking I'm the shit while simultaneously hating myself a lot. Over the last couple years I have worked hard on letting things blow over, on calming down and appreciating everything. So I freaked out a lot and didn't expect it or know what to do and now I freak out a lot less and nothing is surprising. I sit around for lengthy periods of time, wander, flounder, think about feelings, laugh with people, cry at commercials, and I face more of the same for years and years. And that is not surprising. Self-diagnosis.

I could do anything.
I could do nothing.
That is not surprising.
That is not surprising.

When we go north to visit my family I sleep on a twin bed in a room with twin twin beds. My twin aunts slept on these mattresses thirty years ago. The beds sink with any pressure, but they are permanently curved, worn into a curve, anyways. The sheets are seventies and the blankets are seventies and everything is a little faded and a little soft.

clawhammer

2009-07-17T20:14:00.002-05:00

sexy

2009-07-13T20:22:00.003-05:00

i have this grouping of friends, who aren't all friends with each other, but a group. in my mind, a group. they are people who i admire a lot but don't really know all that well, assembled over a few years and more important than the might seem, given our various kinds of distance. maybe the not knowing helps. with them i don't keep in touch very often but when we catch up it is a big deal. for me at least. sometimes it is just a punchy sentence. sometimes we have big conversations, the kind that have to end only because it's been hours and legs are asleep and meals have been missed. last week i had coffee with one of my old friends from high school and it was five hour coffee. with some people i think i admire them in secret and that they don't know. but i think viv and i admire each other equally and that is so nice. we think about things in somewhat different ways, the head-tilting kind, but also get it. she is the only person i know who can call things like design 'sexy' without me thinking it's really smarmy.

heart

2009-07-06T03:12:00.005-05:00

Does love exist?
Yes.

Does romantic love exist?
I don't know.

What do you think?
[this is for you]

Is it relevant?
[for you]

trophy

2009-07-02T21:33:00.001-05:00

"Chester Chops" -chipmunk trophy, originally uploaded by EllenJo.

and more pieces (like a puzzle)

2009-06-30T17:13:00.002-05:00

"The way I write is who I am, or have become, yet this is a case in which I wish I had instead of words and their rhythms a cutting room, equipped with an Avid, a digital editing system on which I could touch a key and collapse the sequence of time, show you simultaneously all the frames of memory that come to me now, let you pick the takes, the marginally different expressions, the variant readings of the same lines. This is a case in which I need more than words to find the meaning."
- Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

*

We are happy in our way of life.
It doesn’t make much sense to others. We sit about,
Read, and are restless. Occasionally it becomes time
To lower the dark shade over it all.
Our entity pivots on a self-induced trance
Like sleep. Noiseless our living stops
And one strays as in a dream
Into those respectable purlieus where life is motionless and alive
To utter the few words one knows [...]

We need the tether
Of entering each other’s lives, eyes wide apart, crying.

- "Parergon" by John Ashbery

*

"When we apprehend the auditor’s mediating role, we have to reconnect the speaker’s main point (ergon) with what is beside the point (parergon), but the poem itself never confirms that our framing is accurate."
- Joseph A. Dupras on Browning's "My Last Duchess"

*

Collapsing, tethering, framing.
Beside the point.
(In both ways)

digifriends

2009-06-30T16:22:00.003-05:00

Sarah linked to this CGI ad on her tumblr and I wondered if someday kids will like CGI caterpillars better than real ones. Different kinds of astonishment, I guess.

Also wondering about "The Last Question," one of Timo's favorite short stories. I suppose you might not want to read this before you read the story. One wondering thing: would we ever actually want to leave our bodies behind, even for the ease of connecting minds directly? What about art and music and braids and texture? What about dancing? What about high-fives? But also, what about violence? What about waste? It is hard to know what is disposable. Another wondering thing: does the Last Question become the first? Or do we think of it continually? I don't know that that works--there would be no last. Maybe outside of time?

At first I didn't care for the story much because of the build-up to a revelation (I dislike that about many short stories; it feels formulaic) but I suppose that sort of revelation also brings about a decent amount of contemplation and reflection so perhaps it's useful. In any case I liked "The Last Question," I think.

panic

2009-06-29T02:08:00.005-05:00

santa sangre

the scene where alma puts her hands over fenix's eagle tattoo, making flight, is something i think about when i wish i felt light. less burdened.
i can carry that with me but i can't find a photo or the clip.

oh no

2009-06-17T18:39:00.002-05:00

crushing realization of today: i am no longer eligible for the college edition of wheel of fortune. i have not been eligible for teen editions for a rather long time. now i've just got regular best friends, mother-daughter (my dad would be an acceptable silent prop i guess), or i can hope to miraculously end up with dolly parton as my partner for country week. i need to start watching sports; they love pairing up tall athletes and weird fans.

nightstands

2009-06-14T15:03:00.003-05:00

[ radiospike's flickr ]

Books and lamps and glasses (both kinds).
Nightstands get the best friends.

[ tnatsni's flickr ]

writing, art

2009-06-02T16:42:00.003-05:00

"Writing is considered a profession, and I don't think it is a profession. I think that everyone who does not need to be a writer, who thinks he can do something else, ought to do something else. Writing is not a profession but a vocation of unhappiness. I don't think an artist can ever be happy."

A Vocation of Unhappiness, Georges Simenon (1903-1985)

I like the idea of an imperative to write and create. I think that need is true, because I think that need is a need to express and make connections. But why the unhappiness? Art is always a bit imperfect, a bit short in communicating what the artist wants to convey. But that drives the art, right? Always moving towards ideals (and failing)? With art maybe that ideal is something like significant form (I disagree with him and the Bloomsberries a lot but holla atcha Clive Bell, significant form is kind of cool) but I don't see why we don't live our whole lives trying for impossible things, knowing they are impossible. If I can live my life knowing that it will always be imperfect but that I am working towards figuring things out (and never will), doing good things (and also lousing things up a lot), then that still feels very happy to me. If attempts to connect are even slightly successful, that is a big deal. I think that feels very happy to me.

free time

2009-05-26T12:53:00.001-05:00

Now that I am graduated and unemployed I have a lot of time to think about things that maybe do not deserve too much thought. I have already contemplated writing essays on female community in "Practical Magic," and the sincerity at work in blogs like Sexy People.

I would really like to choose a home and settle in so that I can discuss these things with friends instead of with a non-existent internet audience.

*

even if she had the time, to save her moments
in words, the way she kept buttons in a box,
and was assured of the support to write them all down.

— “The Famous Jewish-Russian Poet Termanovsky” by Philip Terman

thanks for this

2009-05-23T15:29:00.003-05:00

Short film by George Wu, inspired by Kazuo Ishiguro's Nocturnes.

*

I want to sit in sunny rooms and read about books all the time.
I want to sit in sunny rooms and think about hands and creating and texture and evident paint and connections.

rest

2009-05-23T00:34:00.002-05:00

originally uploaded by chocolee.

photos of beds really hit something right right now.

patches

2009-05-14T02:24:00.002-05:00

-hui+.

"at your earliest convenience"

form
ality

costumes

2009-05-05T23:08:00.003-05:00

these shoes are in love. these shoes are busted.

since i am trying to find a job and since that job will probably require toning down my outward appearance i have been thinking i should try to appreciate and utilize my freedom here a bit more. i am not sure if wearing a flowered housecoat outdoors is too much. it has snaps instead of buttons. it has really great sleeves.

who am i kidding?

ends

2009-05-03T16:21:00.003-05:00

is this how it ends
with a whimper in the place of a bang

*

i have a horrible memory for album titles and song names (and geography, history, facts in general). i would have made such a horrible 80s sweetheart.
easily impressed, though.

real things

2009-05-03T02:01:00.002-05:00

- hopefuldoubtful

how do you go about making someone a friend who talks to you about real things?
maybe i already have as many real things friends as i'm supposed to have
but circling around real things is hard, too.
someone has to just start?

snatches

2009-05-01T02:42:00.002-05:00

-hui+

Click here to recover the last item you were working on

the letter M that two people holding hands make

pieces

2009-04-29T21:01:00.003-05:00

Upon the sand - hopefuldoubtful

i have loved while thinking only of the cost

as quickly as practical

your lives are going to be in rhythm

enjoy your worries you may never have them again

hairy armed women liberationists

2009-04-28T23:55:00.003-05:00

having a pretty life does not make your life pretty.

i got a big envelope from financial aid. most of it was a generic packet so that was a relief. then there was one sheet with huge numbers on it and that was scary. i kind of don't imagine i will be alive to have to deal with that--i don't have the self-continuity or the foresight to imagine big numbers ever mattering to me.

in addition to all of the weird things i wonder if i should start pursuing a less beautiful life. i think i have a two-year cycle for running away. keep moving south? keep moving east?

little joy is a good phrase, a good name.

feeling disappointed with people is awful when i want to spend my time appreciating everyone before we are scattered (physically). (that is the problem. we are scattered, just not physically (yet). but i don't want to admit that. i only like pretending about some things.)

i do think that nuances matter. that details matter. reading the world from too many directions and with a magnifying glass. working out orders of operations and then stretching the parentheses and admiring it all askew instead of summing it up.

far away

2009-04-26T22:44:00.003-05:00

Usually I really like storms but tonight I was home alone and it got dark and rain and hail pelted my window and I got scared. I wanted company but everyone was far away. I flossed and spent a long time tidying up in the bathroom because pretending to be in a safe space feels less scary than going to a safe space on purpose, even if you know you're pretending the whole time. I called home and it calmed down while I talked to my dad. I called home and there was a lot of lightning while I talked to my friend. I was warned about the horrors of knee surgery and then we had to hang up. They say you should face your fears so I put on shoes and went outside. I tripped and almost fell down the stairs on the way. I worried about knee surgery. Then I went outside and listened to old voicemails. I felt like I needed something to do. It was warmer than I expected. I thought about how my life is beautiful and I should not be sad. Nobody else was outside and I liked that. It is funny how being by yourself is really nice but really lonely. So now I am going to put the sheets on my bed. They are crumpled and they will be wrinkled because I waited too long but I guess it doesn't matter, it's kind of nice.

moving

2009-04-23T21:20:00.004-05:00

everyone great is from alabama:

hank williams
harper lee
al green
emmylou harris

maybe i shouldn't be moving to new york?

bare things

2009-04-14T23:24:00.002-05:00

spring, blossoms

summer, lakes

i read messages that i know i'm going to delete because the unread messages count in my deleted items folder is '123' and i don't want it to change.

double meanings

2009-04-13T13:42:00.001-05:00

i spend a great deal of time learning how to read things many ways. i'm not sure what that means for life.

2009-04-12T00:31:00.004-05:00

the ways in which words reveal and conceal emotions

long blinks

2009-04-07T23:25:00.003-05:00

nothing can be uncharacteristic because everything is characteristic because we are all sorts of things (anything?) and that is so exciting! don't hold back!

why do i want to cry instead of learning about things i care about? don't hold back?

god i am a mess.

the way the world looks from under the covers

2009-04-04T11:32:00.008-05:00

it is really hard to have secrets. and to know who will understand those secrets. or try to understand? it is terrifying to think someone might get it and not care.

i think mostly i am able to be a pretty optimistic person because i like to do what i want and i like to think hardly anything is impossible and because unexpected things can be so important. and i think that some other people must think similarly and that is a very hopeful thing. it is a very scary thing to think that i could be mistaken about other people thinking similarly. or any of it.

is this familiar

2009-04-01T22:49:00.006-05:00

warmer weather is nice because birds chirp and ears are warm and headphones don't seem so necessary.

i have a twelve-disc hank williams cd set. that is a lot to work through. i wonder about it sometimes, but i have a beautiful little life. i am going to move my beautiful little life to new york soon and i hope it will be a beautiful life there, too.

i like talking about things and pretending about things more than i like a lot of actual things. spending impossible lengths of time in booths and on sidewalks and voices wear out. i've worn a lot of holes into socks and tights this year. that has never happened to me before. i have a lot of things to mend.

four beds within one week and my shoulders are knotty. i thought about working on preparing some future things before tucking in for the night but i am feeling heavy eyelids so soon.

oh good. my sweet hearted friend from home called with all sorts of happy things to tell me.

pieces of the internet

2009-03-25T21:08:00.004-05:00

slowing down heartbeats

wauw

...and find the scratches on our thighs from adventures through tall grass and sleep soundly at night.

our splendid failure to do the impossible

2009-03-22T21:38:00.003-05:00

what if you loved everything you've ever put in brackets?
(in any sense/in every sense)

would you object?

words that were not mine (even this)

2009-03-20T13:36:00.006-05:00

What are friends for, my mother asks.
A duty undone, visit missed,
casserole unbaked for sick Jane.
Someone has just made her bitter.

Nothing. They are for nothing, friends,
I think. All they do in the end-
they touch you. They fill you like music.

Rosellen Brown

*

The River

The river I have under my tongue
Unimaginable water, my little boat,
And curtains lowered, let's speak.

Paul Eluard

*

The Garden

Like a skein of loose silk blown against a wall
She walks by the railing of a path in Kensington Gardens,
And she is dying piece-meal
of a sort of emotional anemia.
And round about there is a rabble
Of the filthy, sturdy, unkillable infants of the very poor.
They shall inherit the earth.

In her is the end of breeding.
Her boredom is exquisite and excessive.

She would like some one to speak to her,
And is almost afraid that I
will commit that indiscretion.

Ezra Pound

improvise, hang loose, stay cool

2009-03-17T10:49:00.002-05:00

I like the word "jubilee."

I called my auntie a day late to wish her a happy birthday but she didn't mind.

Delhi time and Daylight Savings time got me kind of confused.

Plus I just didn't remember in time.

Still, having a landline and the time to call is so nice.

So is cruising around with the windows down and Salt n Pepa slinging bad rhymes.

violence

2009-03-11T14:21:00.004-05:00

My day today is full of Frantz Fanon arguing for a violent anti-colonial revolution and Robert Hemenway arguing that "Brer Rabbit exhibits the revolutionary consciousness necessary to survive in an oppressive system. He suggests that no order can be depended on for very long, that there are no certainties, that goodness may win this week but power the next. What is certain is the need to improvise, to hang loose, stay cool, avoid sticky situations, shun rigid interpretations of events. Brer Rabbit shows that anarchy undermines all systems which mask reality. His lessons inculcate a revolutionary consciousness because they teach that one never has to accept limitations on the self, that one can never be denied the radical possibilities of being human."

The Wretched of the Earth + Brer Rabbit stories.
I am in love with this.

seriously, yeah

2009-03-04T03:07:00.002-06:00

i had a realization!

i am fed up with a lot of things in my life.
some of these things are my fault.
some of these things are things i let get out of hand.
some of these things just need perspective and i will try to love them again soon.

*

this is the thing:

The World says

"You don't get to know anything"

and I think that is true so I say

"Ok, you too."

.
.
.
except i think The World was lying and now look where i am. i was lying, too.

what to do what to do?

what are we waiting for what are we waiting for what are we waiting for what are we waiting for what are we waiting for what are we waiting for what are we waiting for what are we waiting for

logoff

2009-02-28T01:31:00.003-06:00

ghostsghostsghostsghostsghostsghostsghostsghostsghostsghostsghostsghosts

i think i would have an easier time being open if i weren't always afraid that i won't make any sense to anyone else.
i think being misunderstood is a pretty legitimate fear, but maybe one i shouldn't allow to be so influential.

except that's not true. maybe not not true at all, but still not true. i think people say so much if you pay attention. misunderstanding isn't the fear, the fear is the lack of understanding. of the attempt to understand. the things that are provided. that i provide. i think.

i'm tired. i just want to hold my hands on my ribcage.

pathetic fallacy

2009-02-26T14:26:00.006-06:00

I have to remind myself every now and then that being happy for other people is one of my favorite things. The other side of that, though, is that being sad for (with) other people is kind of devastating. I'm not sure if these balance.

Today it is raining.
All of the sidewalks will probably freeze and living outside my fake livingroom will be dangerous.

time

2009-02-01T23:20:00.001-06:00

It is strange to think that people have been staying up late for hundreds of years.

12 credit final semester is a great set up. Every once in a while I think I should add another class and then I remember that that would stress me out.

I feel really old. I am excited for our futures.

old things, new things

2009-01-03T21:46:00.001-06:00

sleeping in too late

eating cake with hands

confidants

148 hours

voice cracks

impressions

pool locker rooms

musty boots, musky hair

collecting light

* * *

happy 2009

how to

2008-12-21T14:41:00.002-06:00

I was going to write a post about meteorology and local news and how weird of a relationship the average viewer has to weather reports (maybe I will post something about that someday) but then I started typing "how to make fried rice" in the Google searchbar and I had to post way more important things.

Top search suggestions for "How to":
How to tie a tie
How to kiss
How to get pregnant
How to make money
How to draw
How to lose weight
How to make a website
How to knit

Top search suggestions for "How to make":
How to make money
How to make a website
How to make out
How to make a resume
How to make a bow
How to make a paper airplane
How to make french toast

[plans] is down.

2008-12-17T13:23:00.004-06:00

rootbeer is so fly. damn.

i think i spent most of midsems listening to the tom tom club and mariah carey.
i am spending most of finals listening to q-tip and kanye and the raveonettes' christmas ep thing.
i am pretty ok with all of those things.

best friends forever in st paul on the 21st, mpls on the 31st, or mpls on the 10th (but i'll be in nyc then).

lykke li in chicago on 7th february, or mpls on the 8th.

alright.

action

2008-12-12T20:57:00.001-06:00

I guess I don't understand why anyone would think they can't do what they want to do.
I think that makes me seem kind of aggressive sometimes, that I like to do what I want.
I think that, within reason, that's ok.

---

One of my favorite things right now is unexpected honesty. I have no idea how to explain that here.

extracts

2008-11-28T23:36:00.003-06:00

Sometimes something hits really well but it is so hard to get an excerpt to make sense to anyone else. I guess I don't try very often, anyhow. How do you go about that? Write it in a letter?

Hello,

We do not know each other very well
But this is meaningful to me
And I hope that might mean something to you.

"Here is some halo
the living made together."

With love,
PS

***

I would like to eat pomegranates and hide under the covers for a while.

I walk around a lot thinking about mundane things I will probably never tell anyone else.

The Chiffons

2008-11-12T20:39:00.002-06:00

The Chiffons - He's So Fine

Choice YouTube search results for "He's so Fine - Chiffons":

-3 actual Chiffons videos
-3 covers
-"Little Joe Cartwright: He's So Fine! This is a tribute to the heartthrob from the Ponderosa. ENJOY!...Little Joe Cartwright Bonanza Michael Landon He's So Fine Chiffons"
-1 Clay Aiken fanvideo
-"Olivia knows Elliot is sooo fine! EO!...svu eo eilliot [sic] olivia chiffons hes so fine"
-"Clips from DQMW [Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman] with Preston"
-"Matt Carmody played Adam Cartwright in the Bonanza prequel, The Ponderosa. These are screen captures from the pilot episode."
-"Not Just Another George Harrison Tribute. Ironically, before I even knew anything about it, I thought this song reminded me of George because, well, HE'S SO FINE!!! Now, I know all about George being sued for plagiarizing 'He's So Fine.'"
-"James Spader - He's so fine"
-"Mr. Spock clips"

loose photos

2008-11-07T00:26:00.000-06:00

It is strange how much I am averse to doing things I don't want to do, and how much I dislike settling, since right now I really feel like everything is moving very quickly and kind of without me and I really just would like to be settled for a while.

It has been windy a lot lately and sometimes I hop up in the air during big gusts, just in case. Sometimes it really feels like it could carry you a bit. Soon it will snow and then these things will be slightly more grounded, I guess.

Homes are funny things.

Once, in Delhi, my friend Brittany's auntie's son-in-law told her about some sort of elaborate detective show and she thought it was weird but didn't have much else to say so she said "Oh, that's funny." He very seriously replied "Crime isn't funny, Brittany."

I suppose secondhand stories are sort of boring. "I guess you had to be there" is one of my least favorite sayings.

I am trying to be less selfish but it is very tricky. I don't like having to explain myself so often. I think that is a big part of why I like literature. The best kind doesn't have to explain anything or even make any sense.

My nose is running.

dance dance dance

2008-10-19T00:57:00.002-05:00

Having troubles telling how I feel
But I can dance, dance dance
Couldn't possibly tell you how I mean
But I can dance, dance, dance
So when I trip on my feet
Look at the beat
The words are, written in the sand
When I'm shaking my hips
Look for the swing
The words are, written in the air

Dance
I was a dancer all alone
Dance, dance, dance
Words can never make up for what you do

Easy conversations, there's no such thing
No I'm shy, shy, shy
My hips they lie 'cause in reality I'm shy, shy, shy
But when I trip on my feet
Look at the ground
The words are, written in the dust
When I'm shaking my hips
Look for the swing
The words are written in the air

Dance
I was a dancer all along
Dance, dance, dance
Words can never make up for what you do
Dance, dance, dance

*

(This is sort of a repeat post but I really don't know if I will ever tire of this song. Plus, Bon Iver.)

back to school

2008-09-27T17:46:00.004-05:00

Jess and I took first day of school snaps in our new place. I like our funny apartment a lot.

This is Erin's cat Bingley. I kitten-sat one evening and it was soo fun, but I am also glad I do not have to take care of this little pal all the time. He is very rambunctious. Will forgets his name and calls him Bisquick.

This is my breakfast from some day a few weeks ago. I just wanted to prove that (so far) I have been capable of feeding myself.

This is part of our living room. Most of the furniture was left behind. I love that green chair sooo much.

Snacktime. I bought tons of grapes on sale at the supermarket and we were never going to eat them all so we put some in the freezer to eat like little popsicles. Being a pretend adult is fun.

Arts and friends

2008-09-27T17:36:00.001-05:00

John and Katy and I had a fun lunch at John's new abode and then wandered around his neighborhood. We saw fingerpaintings at the Minneapolis Institute of Art. I really liked the display of old Chinese cricket-carrying cases. Pet crickets! If John and Katy and I ever start a band I'd like to call it Pet Crickets.

I made John pose in front of his school sign. I think he thinks you shouldn't have to do that when you're a grad student, but I obviously didn't agree. Sorry JB.

I am so glad so many of my pals are ending up in Minneapolis.

State Fair

2008-09-27T16:06:00.008-05:00

Will and I went to the State Fair as soon as I got back from Delhi again. It was a good re-introduction to America.

Miracle of Life Birthing Center

Fair Foods

Midway (Carnie games and funhouses and spinning rides!)

Jukebox Funhouse

Das Cuckoo Haus

Another stereotype Haus!

We decided to try to take pictures of all of the things that remind us of our friends. Tim got the bacon. Kath got this weird superstrong woman ride:

More rides

The blue ribbon scarecrow?

THIS SHOULD HAVE WON:

Seed art

Fried food!

Competition bunny (Aja's snap)

4 H

These sheep are for you, Kathryn.

This was the most photogenic being at the Fair.

Take my picture?

Pyrex (and friends)

2008-06-16T04:35:00.008-05:00

I thrifted and photographed this dishware back in March and then never posted about it. I should’ve scrubbed it all and cleaned up the scuffs before photographing, but I was really eager to take pictures of pretty things. This entry is mostly for Ali.

This might be my favorite pyrex piece. Divided 1 ½ quart ovenware.

I would like this little one better if the cover wasn’t plastic, but it’s still very cute.

These next two had been split up on the Goodwill shelves, but I think might’ve belonged to the same lady at some point. A lot of what I found there had metallic blue marker on the bottom—probably initials to identify dishes for after potlucks, or maybe from a family garage sale or something like that?

Two mixing bowls, one with a handy spout for pouring.

These next few aren’t Pyrex, but I think they’re awfully pretty:

Anchor Hocking Fire King casserole dishes.

I think this one is Fire King, too. It needs to be cleaned up. I really like the glass cover.

oh!

2008-06-06T01:38:00.003-05:00

I am teary eyed again today but instead because I love my momma so much. I talked with her about being nervous about my summer and somehow she made me feel like everything is not only going to work out, but actually be really great. She made me chocolate chip cookies and put walnuts in half the batch for a little bit of a variation on the favorite. It also helps that I received a nice e-mail from my internship office this morning. I'm starting to get excited and that makes me so relieved.

home

2008-06-05T02:08:00.003-05:00

Today I have been so close to crying so many times. Teariness is at least in part because I am terrified about going to Delhi on Friday. I am worried about:

*packing
*fitting in things that need to get done in the u.s. over the summer (and figuring out how to do things from abroad)
-renewing my license
-paying tuition
-setting up/paying for/keeping track of apartment things
-cleaning at the dentist's
-follow up appointment at the doctor's
*getting to my auntie's safely with no cell phone
*finding a cellphone and some sort of internet service
*disappointing my internship site
*keeping in touch
*my little brother
*getting lonely
*becoming disillusioned with Delhi
*not being missed
*regret

That list is so awful. Right now I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. That's making me feel worse, because I know I am so lucky to be able to go away for the summer and instead of being excited and appreciative I am resisting change and getting scared. I think I am going to cling to my momma at the airport on Friday, sobbing.

Mostly I have been outwardly nonchalant about my trip but inwardly freaking out. It's almost like I'm forcing myself to go at this point, since I'm freaking myself out so much. I really want to feel better because I know that I want to go. I guess I'm just feeling kind of moody anyways and then I'm additionally getting cowardly, scared of going by myself instead of with a program. It's also scary that I will go back and Delhi won't be the same. Not just Delhi changing, either, but my version of Delhi. The friends I made in Delhi won't be there with me. I'm worried that I'll be lonely. I want to have friends, of course, but I also need to have friends because I won't be able to do a lot of the things I want to just because it's not safe to be by myself in big public places. I'm worried a lot about safety. I won't have my classes and university and program center waiting for me there, either. What if I don't love Delhi without those things? I knew that last sentence was impossible as soon as I typed it, actually, but I'm still having a hard time.

I'm trying to focus on fun things (food! Bollywood! feminist publishing! auntie! salwar-kameez! Mother Dairy ice cream! nationalism! Indian optimism!) but I'm also getting bogged down by those worries. I'm being so foolish, because I had a great time for five months before, and this summer is only half that, but ohhhhhh I don't even know. Things work out! They always work out! I just want so much to feel more excited and instead I just feel anxious. From December until about a week two weeks ago all I could do was go on and on about how much I love Delhi and how much I missed it and now that I get to go back I'm being an idiot. I also need to stop comparing my last pre-trip feelings to these pre-trip feelings, because right now I'm in the "I love MN and the Midwest and suburbs and being at home so much" phase of break and eventually I'd get lonely and bored here and going to Delhi and working at Zubaan should be so great.

I hate to admit this, but I think part of my freakout is because I might not have the internet all the time like I did last time, and I'm afraid of being out of such easy contact with home and friends for a couple months, and I'm afraid other people won't mind at all. I need to remind myself that I will be busy with my internship and I always have my auntie and I can do a lot of reading instead of wasting time on the internet and that I'm just being terribly insecure. I need to keep thinking about sunshine streaming into my bathroom at my auntie's, little schoolchildren with oversized satchels, head bobbles, pure veg samosas, being busy, late dinners, AIKGA mailers, relaxed lifestyles.

I have a feeling that as soon as I have a cell phone a lot of my worries will go away. That will be a way to keep in touch (albeit limited) and it will give me a sense of safety. Hopefully my worries will go away before then, but I had better be pumped about Delhi again by then at the latest. It is one of my three homes, after all.

minnehaha falls

2008-06-02T00:42:00.002-05:00

Last Saturday I met up with my JTwee boy, Will, at Minnehaha Falls. We saw lots of families and babies and dogs and funny giant rental Big Wheels and tricycles and other strange bicycles with names like Deuce Coupe and Single Surrey. We came up with schemes to avoid paying $16 per an hour to ride around in a silly covered bicycle wagon but never quite got our joyride. Instead we enjoyed the spray at the falls like LBJ (there's a plaque) and then wandered around by statues and posed near lime and wilderness. (Sorry this post is full of so many euphemisms, dudes. Totally unintentional.) We set up my self-timer and took a picture in the trees. Will and I ended up climbing a bit to find a good spot for our photo and I nearly got stuck on a really simple hill because I was wearing t-strap flats instead of sneakers or boots. Minnehaha Falls is nice because it's like the wilderness but fake, for city people. Most anywhere you'd need to go is paved and there are cement stairs leading from the overview bridge to the river.

(Gunnar Wennerberg statue)

(Will + lime)

(in the fake woods)

("hiking")

(self timer shot)

We worked up an appetite being fake outdoorsy (well, Will actually is outdoorsy, but our hike was fake) so we used GPS to bring us like four blocks to Punch. Technology is so good because it can bring you to delicious Neapolitan pizza in unfamiliar neighborhoods. I had margherita pizza and Will had a calzone filled with spinach, mushrooms, garlic, and ricotta. Both were real good. Like, I'm still thinking about Punch good. Is a 20 minute drive too far to go for pizza?

(driving)

After Punch we were kind of stuffed but still went to DQ because we needed somewhere to hang out. Will got a dilly bar and I made fun of him for choosing butterscotch. I got a buster bar and then we saw a baby with mullet and took a sneaky snapshot. Then we saw a strange massage chair. Then a lady with a bulldog showed up and a woman with headphones showed up and took pictures of the bulldog and then they both wore headphones and the bulldog lady gave the other lady a massage. We took secret snaps again. After that Will and I hung out in an alley behind DQ and enjoyed being Midwestern. Then hooligans showed up in the DQ parkinglot and then sped off again real quick. A bit later a fire truck and a lady on a cellphone showed up looking for the hooligans. Then squad cars started showing up (earlier some cops had been enjoying themselves a DQ so that was weird) and Will and I decided we'd had enough of DQ so we went home. It was kind of the greatest day ever.

(butterscotch)

(Will's secret snap #1: shoeless mullet baby)

(secret snap #2: bulldog, back massage)

(Midwest #1)

(Midwest #2)

(Midwest #3)

these things are related

2008-05-31T01:07:00.000-05:00

On Thursday I wrote two songs. One is a pop-y song about cheating (sort of). I also wrote a sappy song about depression. I can't figure out rhyme. Break is weird. In August I think I am going to cut my hair very short. Maybe I'll even expose my ears.

Every once in a while (maybe every few months?) something kind of minor happens and I'll feel extraordinarily vulnerable, like I need to hide or sprint. I usually just apologize a lot or shut up or, if I've continued to think about it a lot, I do hide. I remember how insecure I am and I feel like I'm back in middle school. I feel like an idiot about that, which makes me re-think other moments where I've been an idiot, and that makes me even more self-conscious and insecure. Eventually I try to make myself get over it or I just forget for a while and that turns into a few months. Then I'm pretending to read something important while I wait alone in my car, feeling like everyone in the world must be tuned in to how pathetic I am, and I (re)realize that I am foolish and fronting and I'm back to the beginning. I should make a flow chart. I need to tattoo it on my arm or something.

I think that going away for a while and being sort of alone will be really good for me again. I think having less internet time will be good, too. I think I've mixed up caring about people/wanting to be involved in their lives and insecurity/wanting to be liked, and that makes me feel really shallow.

It's hard to want to just "be yourself" and also actually hate a lot of yourself.

jeffrey lewis and los campesinos! at the varsity theater

2008-05-30T00:56:00.019-05:00

Wednesday night I went to see Jeffrey Lewis and the Jitters and Los Campesinos! at the Varsity. I didn't take a camera along because I wanted to have fun and not worry about getting really great shots and that sort of thing. It seems like a lot of dudes go to shows just to take the best photo possible, so you can search flickr and find plenty of snaps if you feel the blog reader's need for accompanying images. I will also describe the show for you in case you're lazy like me:

The Varsity is this real swanky venue. Don't get me wrong--it's beautiful, it's just really different from Bob's Underground (home of a cute little mouse/a space that also happens to moonlight as a coffee shop) or Gardner lounge, my normal show spots. The ceilings in Gardner are so low Family Unit's juggler couldn't get a proper juggle on (back when they were a full band). What if they had brought along a unicycle?! Tragedy. Well, they'd be golden in the Varsity, where they have real high ceilings, a disco ball over the crowd, and two chandeliers over the stage. I guess what I'm getting at is the difference between what I'm used to in Grinnell and what you'll find at the Varsity is the Varsity is nice. The bar's way out of the way in the back and the room itself is all deep reds the way a classic theater would be. There is even carpet! You'd never have that in Bob's or Gardner--too many stains. Anyhow, similar to both my regular show spots, the Varsity has couches! It's kind of bizarre having fancy armchairs and couches slightly raised and bordering the room, since I was expecting more of a tiled-basement with cigarette burn flame resistant blue 80s sofas, but the lounge area housed lots of adult hipster couples comfortably and chairs around the floor with little cafe tables made a pretty good spot to wait for things to get started. I met Chris there (I'm linking White People Music because evidently I like linking in this post) and he had picked up a sweet Jeffrey Lewis comic already. (I mean, he purchased it. For a fleeting moment I saw the comic on the table and thought Jeffrey Lewis had just left out some comics as reading material. And, while Chris and I agreed that would have been really adorable, we also agreed that would be ridiculous.) So I perused Fuff #3 (the purchased comic) while Chris went on a parking meter mission and we waited for JL and his pals to open.

Jeffrey Lewis is pretty much the sweetest and cutest and most fun ever. His singsong-ery manages to make sad or depressing or kind of awful things really appealing. Maybe appealing isn't the right word, but something like that is. The Jitters were great, too. The girl on mini piano (I think her name was Helen) reminded me of my friend Claire a whole lot because she sort of hunched up her shoulders a little bit while she sang. Mostly she had this specific Claire expression (like she has a funny secret), and on top of that she seemed excited and fun. JL and the Jitters played a few songs and some were fast and some of them were big and some of them were ballads but all of them were great. And there were lots o' videos. I especially liked "The History of Communism: Part Three (Russia)" because Chris and I had just been talking about Russkiland and how crazy it is. I tried to chant "USSR" as they prepared but I think Chris thought I was chanting "USA" because he kept saying things like "Better DEAD than RED." At one point JL played a sweet, simple song about friends and atheism and sort of sad things--it's one of his songs that sounds a little like Kimya Dawson's stuff. I don't know the name of that song or really very many of his songs because I mostly bought my ticket to see Los Campesinos! and so initially Jeffrey Lewis and the Jitters were just an added bonus. (I do know they played "Banned from the Roxy," at least.) It's kind of funny that I hadn't planned to see those kids as much as Los Campesinos! because it turned out I liked them best. I am starting to think that 54% of the time the best band opens.

Maybe it's just because JL and the Jitters opened and they seem so sweet and really excited and earnest about music (and that's probably because JL's songs seem to be more about messages through lyrics rather than sound), but Los Campesinos! sounded just like they do on their recordings, which was good, but they also seemed a little...high school or something? I like their recordings because I like certain aspects of high school mentalities (the pop-y music parts, mostly), but it's also kind of like LC figured out all of the hip things to do in a band (tight t-shirts, violin, glockenspiel) and then put together as many of their friends as they could get away with and then got hyped a lot (Pitchfork) based on their recordings (and probably also because they're from Wales and have nice accents even when they sing) so now hipsters want to see them and so they get to perform. The girls were wearing tights with just the right amount of holes in them and it was way too hot for tights, which always makes me suspicious. They put on a good show, I guess, but I didn't feel like they were really into what they were doing--more like into being rock stars? They definitely throw out a lot of energy, but it seems to be more about showmanship and a punk rock-esque attitude than a real commitment to music. But like I said, I could be over analyzing because it's kind of impossible to be as sweet as JL and the Jitters. Los Campesinos! did start their set with an inter-group call-and-response type count off and I liked that a lot. More people stood up once they started and a few even danced a little (evidently people in MPLS don't really dance at shows?) so that's a plus for LC, too. Oh! and lol, their drummer looked like Minkus from Boy Meets World, but older, shirtless, and, to quote Chris, "buff." I tried to find a good Boy Meets World era picture of the actor but evidently he's on that WB drama One Tree Hill now and the Lee Norris fansite I found requires registration to get to the gallery and that is creepy and further than I'm willing to go to help you figure out that allusion.

I ALMOST FORGOT THE BEST THING: we met the legendary KDIC Flock of Seagulls haircut guy at the show! He's a Grinnell alum and he runs a big music blog so he goes to shows a lot and we saw him between Jeffrey Lewis' set and Los Campesinos!. I recognized him from a Grinnell magazine article/the 80s KDIC staff photo so Chris and I went up to him to confirm his identity. I would link to his fancy blog here but I am afraid he'd find this post and read my review of the show and think Grinnellians are kind of dumb now. I'm not going to tag Los Campesinos! for this post, either, in case they do things like google themselves. I don't want to make them feel bad. . . And now I feel bad. I just remembered one of the LC girls was standing next to me during Jeffrey Lewis' set and when some of the songs would pick up I would dance a lot and she would hipster shuffle a bit and that seemed nice of her, given the lack of dancing in the crowd. I don't mean to be negative because I had a really fun night! It was just different than I expected.

jeopardy

2008-05-22T23:59:00.010-05:00

I am home and watching Jeopardy. There is a contestant who is one of those really calm, relaxed, together-seeming people. She also has a voice that's light and sort of scratchy, like maybe she smoked a lot in her youth and has learned from her wild days and now has things figured out. I imagine she has a library and maybe a small cocker spaniel. I want her to be my aunt. I also want to be one of those sorts of warm, comforting, calm people someday, but I think it's against my nature to be so mellow.

There's also a girl who is really great at the game but always picks 1600 to start each category in Double Jeopardy. She's really young and bright but seems kind of manic when she chooses 1600 each time. (She just won.)

I should try to learn more about psychoanalysis. I didn't know the question to a really simple answer.

(These photos are from Grinnell. Downtown and somebody's cigarette sculpture outside Bucksbaum.)

things to look forward to

2008-05-22T00:05:00.011-05:00

I'm staying with my auntie again this summer in Delhi. She has a computer and used to know how to use the internet and things but has forgotten because she so rarely needed to use it. I want to (re)teach her how to use e-mail so we can keep in touch more often and so she can also e-mail and receive photos from her daughter who's moved to Mumbai. I am also going to try to take my auntie to see the Taj Mahal. The Taj is only about an hour and a half drive, bus, or train ride away from her house in New Delhi, where she's lived for the last 20 years, but she has never been to see it. My 71 year old auntie lived in Delhi for most of her childhood and now her widowhood, but has never seen one of the most iconic images of India. My auntie is India. She was 10 in Delhi during Independence! She nearly missed singing the national anthem with her class for Jawaharlal Nehru on the day of Independence but her cousin bicycled her over just in time. I know the Taj isn't as big of a deal to Delhi-wallahs, but it's still all over and so emblematic and I think my auntie should visit. She's traveled a lot, but I also loved the Golden Temple, so if we have a longer weekend maybe we'll get to go to Amritsar, too.

Other things to look forward to for The Future:

reading for pleasure
nimbu panni
summer movies
bucket baths
berries
songwriting
apartment decorating
fresh midwestern vegetables and fruits
clavicles
changing leaves
foggy, frosty fall days
baking
60s dance parties

bollywood summer

2008-05-20T20:40:00.007-05:00

I'll be in Delhi this summer and that means Bollywood for the summertime! I'm looking forward to seeing a lot of new films with my auntie in loud, air conditioned theatres. I'm going to come home with so many DVDs again, too.

Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic features two of my favorite Bollywood actors: Rani Mukherjee and my boy Saif Ali Khan (who looks real good as a nerdy lawyer or something...why did you have to tattoo Kareena's name on your arm, boy?). The movie itself looks really hokey and probably heartwarming. Not even in the way most Bollywood is cheesy, either. Saif adopts four orphans and is bad at being their guardian and Rani bicycles in on a rainbow road:

It looks like there probably isn't much song and dance, and it might be too hokey, but I'll probably see it anyways. I love Saif and Rani.

This is actually heartwarming:

"Aamir Khan's Taare Zameen Par," a movie made primarily for children, "has been dubbed in sign language for the benefit of hearing and speech impaired children," by Indore-based NGO Anand Mook Badhir Kendra. "Its director, Gyanendra Purohit told the United News of India (UNI) that all dialogues and songs of the film would be screened in sign language so that the children could also enjoy the movie along with others. He said they have also been considering to include the film in the education syllabus. With the state police providing its cameras and other equipments, the film had been dubbed in sign language within a fortnight." (from rediff.com)

Aamir Khan also looks kind of like a Bollywood Tom Hanks, to me.

6 June Heroes will be out. It seems pretty similar to the Rang De Besanti plot, but it has Preity so I'm happy.

11 July God Tussi Great Ho releases, though I'm dubious about it. Salman Khan is such a sleaze, and the poster and title make it seem like Amitabh will be playing God. Which is just weird.

I might see Singh is Kinng (8 August) but it actually sounds really stupid. I can only handle Akshay comedies when I'm in the right mood.

15 August I'll probably be leaving Delhi (and it's Independence Day, too...), but a Yash Raj film, Bachna Ae Haseeno, releases then. (Same with Drona.) Bummer. SRK's new movie, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, doesn't come out until 12 December, either. And Dulha Mil Gaya releases in November. Here's hoping Kambakht Ishq, Sunglass, Tasveer/Eight by Ten, Ghajini (a remake of Memento), Har Pall, and Dilli 6 release while I'm around!

*

Movies already released this year (a list of DVDs/VCDs to buy):

U Me aur Hum
Race
Black & White
Jodhaa Akbar
Tashan (maybe)
The Last Lear

end of the year

2008-05-17T18:51:00.008-05:00

It's very strange to end a year in May. Spring means beginnings, right?

These are images of things that I am done with formally but that are supposed to impact the way I think forever. That sounds much more grandiose than I meant, but in some ways learning things in an institution is all about being grandiose, right? Building foundations and making connections and living life after that in a way that is changed and impacted, even if subconsciously. I like to imagine the things I learned this year are messy little forts scattered all over in my brain. Some of them are strung together, connected with dental floss or licorice or crown braids or rope.

(Wax, cast from plaster molds of a clay shape)

(Wafer cookies)

I've realized lately that most of what I write here doesn't make sense to anyone not in my head. I think that's ok. I think that maybe I might be at least conveying something that creates an impression of what I mean. I'm pretty ok with that.

bfs

2008-05-13T09:48:00.003-05:00

I always get along with boyfriends really well. I wonder what that means.

(What I meant by that is that I tend to get along with other peoples' boyfriends really well. Whatever that means.)

fog

2008-05-07T20:29:00.004-05:00

I am feeling really groggy right now. I had a meeting this morning that went well but wasn't stellar and then an ending to my favorite class that was really abrupt in a way that I didn't realize until later. I took an accidental nap in the afternoon and missed a talk I was supposed to attend and then woke up and couldn't figure out if it was evening or morning. I was grumpy and barely dealt with way too many annoyances at dinnertime and now I have calmed down a bit but I still feel bad, in a different way. I feel like a bad person. I feel like I need to stretch. In high school once my gym teacher had us do all sorts of new age-y exercises that everyone groaned about but that I secretly thought were nice. At one point she had us lay on our backs and stretch. She told us to massage our underarms to get blood flowing to our lymph nodes. She said to massage our lymph nodes, they keep us healthy. I don't know if massaging your underarms actually helps your lymph nodes but I still do it anyways sometimes, especially when I'm feeling foggy like I am now. It helps something.

finals?

2008-05-05T23:01:00.006-05:00

Sometimes I think we don't give ourselves enough credit. I give myself too much credit, but that's not what I mean. For the wrong things. Sometimes living is so amazing to me. Getting by. I wanted to cry for most of this evening because I am un-extraordinary and alone.

Sometimes being ordinary is rough.

I think that just surviving and getting by is such an accomplishment sometimes. I am not changing the world in big ways. I have to be ok with that. I am not a revolutionary. I am not Prestigious. Comparatively, maybe. I am going to have a degree in a year. That is a big deal. Comparatively. That is privilege. I need to rethink success. Reimagine. I am not them and measuring is useless. Opinions only matter if you care.

We're getting by. We're trying.

I feel like my life is a series of good spells where I forget and then short spells when I (re)realize how hard it is to keep up a facade of being happy and unintentional. That is probably not true. It's what it feels like now, at least.

Sometimes I am really aware of my shortcomings. Sometimes I am worried that it will be like this always, maybe with more sad parts. Things do not end. Forgetting and remembering are kind of the same.

Self, please remember: I am changing. Be aware. I am trying. I am coasting. Be intentional. Try. That's ok. That's enough.

today

2008-04-28T23:42:00.004-05:00

Today I:

*Wore a kurta and dupatta and bangles for Kurta Mondays
*Ate too much chocolate truffle cheesecake
*Got really mad at a reading for repeatedly using "loose" instead of "lose"
*Was dropped from a class next semester because I'm getting old
*Made a sculpture for class out of wafer cookies
*Put a chain back on a campus bicycle
*Developed a non-painful blister
*Wore heavy liquid eyeliner
*Thought a lot about a lot of things that are unrelated to classes
*Decided that being sad is not so great but that being reminded to be self-aware is a good thing
*Decided that today was good even though it seemed like it might not be

(I took these photos after the string unit in my sculpting class. This has been my favorite thing I've made so far, I think.)

garage rock

2008-04-26T00:39:00.009-05:00

GARAGE ROCK HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE. I am going to overdose on Be Your Own Pet but I just can't stop myself, they're so good. Two of my friends and I have started a punk rock band (more pop-punk, I guess). We don't have a name yet because I keep objecting to their suggestions, but we have two songs and an idea for a third. I think I might try to convince them to go a little more garage rock than truly punk, because I am so into it right now. I also just like the sound better (that is, if I understand the distinction between punk and garage rock the way I think I do). I keep worrying that I am going to sing too cutely because I am so used to twee, but my friend Kath mentioned a few "chirpy" punk-y rock singers that I like so maybe that'll actually work out. I am worried that I am going to imitate Jemina's voice, too, but I'll try to keep that under control. She has so much attitude! In the best way! I really like that Be Your Own Pet is so noisy, too. That's why I wanted to start this band with my buds. I can't actually contribute much except lyrics (mostly things I shouldn't say in normal conversation) and vocals. But even with that, being noisy is so good.

Be Your Own Pet - Heart Throb
Be Your Own Pet - Bog

In addition to Be Your Own Pet's self-titled album and "Get Awkward," I have been listening to this compilation of West Coast East Side Sound, "The East Side Sound: 59-68," that I got from my library. It is so fantastic! Did you all know about the West Coast 60s garage rock scene? Why didn't you tell me? I'm going to highlight a few of my new favorites over a few posts and if you know anything more about any of them you should holla. I haven't been able to find much so far, probably because Gullbuy.com says "The East L.A. scene from the 1960s of Mexican-American bands is a vastly under-rated scene that is best remembered for hits like The Premiers' 'Farmer John' and Cannibal & the Headhunters' 'Land of a Thousand Dances.'" I'll try to find more tracks and information, but until then you should go find this album. It's from Dionysus Records/Bacchus Archives, c1996. I think it is actually part of a four volume series, so pick up whatever you can find.

First up, Las Dilly Sisters! (This post accidentally became a tribute to young, girl voices in garage rock. Yeah!)

Las Dilly Sisters - Sometimes Good Guys Don't Wear White

From Radio Rumpus Room: "Las Dilly Sisters [are] a tiny yet tuneful pair of Mexican pre-adolescents who, back in 1968, covered the Standells' signature song in a most astounding manner." That's true--it is so astounding. I don't know why they started playing or who started recording these little girls with guitars but I am so glad they were rocking out as babies. From what I can tell, The Dilly Sisters were also on this 60s children's television program, Banana Splits, fairly frequently. The gag seems to be that every time the characters look outside (through a door or a window or a bananascope) they see the girls playing guitars accompanied by overwhelmingly cute sing-song voices. The camera usually ends with an overhead shot. I'm not really sure why this is supposed to be funny--maybe the characters get annoyed by them? If that's the case, it seems pretty mean--the Dilly Sisters are so cute! It seems like a silly show, so maybe it's just supposed to be absurd. Anyhow, some of the clips I found on YouTube are in Spanish, but it's hard to tell if they are dubbed or original because it's a H.R. Pufnstuf-style puppet show so the mouths don't really line up in either language. I have a feeling it was originally in English based on the voices used, though.

Maybe I can get my bandmates to cover Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

muxtapes

2008-04-18T02:23:00.003-05:00

I am supposed to be annotating articles and books for a bibliography but I am about 1/3 finished and it is late and I am feeling pretty unwilling to do the rest and so I am posting here. (Don't worry, I will finish my work, I am just starting to lose steam.)

I feel like I have been talking about music a lot lately. That's not really an apology, just an observation. I have also been having a lot of really disconnected experiences (especially socially) lately and I feel like music is one area that hasn't been tumultuous. One of my friends told me about muxtape and then a bunch of my friends made profiles. I have one now, too. It's pretty fun. Like the name sounds, it's just a space to put up a mixtape online. The simplicity of it is really appealing. I have been pretty good about not being so uptight all the time, but documenting and having records and all of that is still a need I feel fairly strongly, so, to me, the only downside to muxtape is that it doesn't log your old mixes. I've only put one up so far, though, and I have decided to put the list here. These are the songs for now:

The Pipettes - Tell Me What You Want
Linda Guilala - Saber Perder
Las Vulpess - Me Gusta Ser Una Zorra
Juniper Moon - Solo Una Sonrisa
Dntel - Roll On (Ft. Jenny Lewis)
Tender Forever - Take It Off
The Boy Least Likely To - I Box Up All The Butterflies
Richa Sharma, Kailash Kher, Salim Merchant - Show Me Your Jalwa
Les Calamites - Malhabile
Mariah Carey Feat. Jay-Z - Heartbreaker

If that list strikes your fancy, you should listen to my muxtape. And tell me if there are things you think I should be listening to, as well.

Friends' muxtapes:
Tim
Vy
Chris
Kath

breakfast in bed

2008-04-05T16:48:00.005-05:00

I've been back (Iowa) for a week after being home (Minnesota) for two weeks. I watched a lot of "Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew" (hosted Mario Lopez! featuring Lil' Mama and JC Chasez as judges!) and the new episodes of "Top Chef," as well as an occasional "Wheel of Fortune" in the evenings. It sounds kind of pathetic but it was actually really nice. I also saw a lot of friends and family and did some thrifting and reading and I ate a fair amount of good food. I listened to Top 40 radio when I was with my friends and I listened to The Current when I was by myself. Sometimes in the mornings I would read music blogs and eat breakfast. Sometimes this happened in bed.

One Thursday I had a pita with almond butter and a side of yogurt. I added banana slices to the yogurt after a bit because it was a little boring.

Kanye West - The Good Life (ft. T-Pain)

new music

2008-03-26T22:27:00.001-05:00

This is new music I like. Some of it is new, some of it is something I've liked and somehow lost track of, and some of it is really old but new to me:

http://www.myspace.com/tenderforever

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This really simple video is so obviously made in Paint but it's my favorite from my search for The Rolling Stones' "She's a Rainbow."

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http://www.myspace.com/dntel

I like that this song sounds like it was recorded over the phone or in a pool locker room.

Dntel - Roll On (ft. Jenny Lewis)

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When looking for more information about Las Vulpess, this post at Edu's Worthless Blog was the only information I could find in a language I understand. Fortunately, everything written in that post is awesome and reveals how kickass Las Vulpess was as a group, if ever so briefly. Yeah!

Oh, FYI, almost 5/6ths of anything good I ever listen to has come from this blog: buscate un novio. I don't really understand the text (like, at all), but the artists featured are so regularly awesome that I don't really worry about that anymore.

*

This is not new to me at all but I still love this song so much.

Listen List:

Tender Forever - Take It Off
Tender Forever - My Love (Justin Timberlake cover)
The Rolling Stones - She's a Rainbow
Las Vulpess - Me Gusta Ser Una Zorra
JC Chasez - All Day Long I Dream About Sex (ADIDAS)

localfiles

2008-03-25T16:50:00.011-05:00

Since being back from Delhi I've been trying (even more than I did before) to get a lot of India in America. I'm lucky because there is a big desi population in the Twin Cities area. That means being able to buy ajman seeds at the grocery store and eat fresh, puffy puris at restaurants and watch Bollywood movies in real theaters(!). It's not quite warm enough to be wearing a full salwar-kameez, but I have instituted Kurta Mondays when I'm at school. Please come soon, Spring, I'd like to be able to wear full suits and air dry clothes again!

One time about a year and a half ago my friend Leigh told me she buys mehendi cones and has her eyebrows threaded in the Indian area of her old neighborhood. I told her I had never heard of threading and she was surprised in a way that made it seem like I had been missing out on something amazing like raspberry lemonade in summertime or Prince's Purple Rain album real loud on the record player or Freaks and Geeks dvd marathons with oreos dipped in milk. And since I really like all of those things I started searching the internet for a place to try having my eyebrows threaded. It took a long time, but eventually I found a huge list of women in my area who thread and apply henna and cut hair and do pedicures and all sorts of things you'd have done by the beautician in Delhi, but instead of having the beautician come to your house in India you go to their house in the States.

Turns out Localfiles serves as a sort of bulletin board for desis in a few different regions of the U.S., including Minneapolis. It's got a name like a singles network or something, but Localfiles is actually how I know about most Indian things in my area, like Bollywood at the discount theater or Curry Up Deli's sweets counter (which I still haven't sampled because sweets outside India are notorious for being a let down and I do not want to be let down). I don't mind a little awkwardness (you know, showing up to a stranger's house with hairy eyebrows), so I think threading is a really great deal. I've had my eyebrows done for $4-5 and that is crazy cheap, especially compared to having them waxed at a salon (at least $10) or even buying a waxing kit (around $10 maybe? and scary). I'm awful at shaping while tweezing, so I don't mind how painful it is to thread. Plus it reminds me of hanging out at my friend Caitlin's auntie's and chitchatting with her animated beautician, who is really beautiful herself, or my auntie's beautician, who told me her husband is just "thik hai" ("ok"), but that her children are really great.

This video shows one method for threading. It's different than the way I've had my eyebrows done (with the beautician holding one end of the thread in her mouth), but it does work. I don't mind the thread-in-mouth method because the whole thing is a really casual process. My friend Reeta told me that she would thread her friends' eyebrows for them while they were at university in Delhi. She learned from watching other people thread and then she just picked up a spool and tried it and figured out better types of thread to use from there and started threading her friends in her hostel (hostel is the term for a dorm in India). Sometimes I wish I were cool with rocking the unibrow like Kajol or Frida, but I'm realizing that I actually sort of enjoy having them threaded. It's comforting for me, or reassuring maybe?, knowing that women all over South Asia and the Middle East do the same thing. I really miss beautician days in Delhi.

Lykke Li - Little Bit

2008-03-25T02:32:00.005-05:00

This song might be old but I still like both of these videos.

Live:

This one reminds me of my pals and the crummy coffee shop where I work and where my friends sometimes play music. It makes me think of fun times playing with maracas. I really like the part where she adds percussion by dancing so the instruments she's wearing strung around her neck clang together.

Official:

This one reminds me of different pals who are real good dancers and always look great. I really like the overexposure. My room last year would be sunshiney like that a lot. This year around 4 o'clock I get some nice overexposure sun if I happen to be around.

rock 'n roll and r&b

2008-03-19T16:16:00.005-05:00

I picked up a CD from the Listening Room of my library a few weeks ago. It is one of those compilation albums of rock 'n roll songs from the 1960s and it is so great. It is so great mostly because it introduced me to Bobby Freeman:

Not only do I love songs that promote a lot of flailing around and having fun, I LOVE songs that introduce new dance moves. Sometimes instructions within a song can go really wrong, but this is just perfect. It is a little uncomfortable watching the audience look so bored but it's actually in a funny way. Why are you just sitting there? Bobby Freeman is teaching you to do the Swim! At least the girls performing are awesome. You can tell they are thinking about how awesome they must look, being stony-faced and badass.

Some of my friends recently linked to the new Gnarls Barkley video for his single "Run." It is also great (both song and video), I think, and it really builds off of this dance show tradition.

As a longtime *N Sync fan (I'm not ashamed, I would totally be at a reunion concert), I really like the Justin Timberlake opening. Even without that, though, it is such a good video and song. There needs to be more dancing like this! Even if it is a spoof of Graffiti Rock.

flats

2008-03-19T12:52:00.030-05:00

I've been trying to be a vegetarian for over a year now. I've been pretty successful since last June, but I also haven't purchased many shoes since last June. I've purchased two pairs, I think, and one of those I wore out during my time in Delhi.

I've found it difficult trying to find really beautiful, well-made shoes that aren't leather. I especially like to wear shoes that fully cover my feet, because the two places I spend most of my time nowadays (Minnesota and Iowa) are both rather snowy, wet, or muddy for most of the year. Plus, since I'm looking for everyday shoes, I prefer flats. That's even trickier. I've been told I could just capitalize on the synthetics used for bargain shoes at Payless, Target, and those sorts of places, but I want things to really last, you know? This hasn't been too troubling for me yet, since I haven't had to buy shoes, but my favorite old pair of purple Campers are going to wear a hole in the heel and that means I need at least one pair of new shoes. For now I'm trying not to buy so much in general, so I'm hoping to maybe pick up some nice shoes at secondhand stores (I feel ok about reused leather) but I've had a few pairs of secondhand shoes fall apart in the past. So buying new might be better? I'm still deciding, but for now I present the fruits of my hours-long vegetarian shoe shopping search:

The Irregular Choice website was pretty crummy when I last looked at it (sometime last year), but now it is fancy and full of three seasons' worth of amazing leather shoes. They have a few, well, fairly ugly veg shoes, but also a few cute pairs.
Irregular Choice Juniper yellow canvas boot, $71.25

Irregular Choice Stripes Ahoy maryjanes, $45; Irregular Choice Lea Rama red canvas flat, $39.50; Irregular Choice Jump Around satin flat, $42

Camper Casi 20783-002 synthetic leathers wedge, $105

Camper Camaleon 18036-004 cotton and rubber shoe, Camper Camaleon 20488-004, each $90
(This is the same shoe model as the first first photo, but in a faint pink and a bright red)

Camper Peu 20775-001 grey cotton and rubber maryjanes, $75

Camper Peu 20772-005 fuschia cotton and rubber sneakers, $90

Shellys London Summer Skimmer, $29.99 and Neopolitan D'Orsay Peeptoe, $29.99

These are SO Orla Kiely inspired. I'd like to have them both.
Old Navy Canvas Ankle Strap Skimmers, $7.99 and Old Navy Canvas Ballet Flats, $12.99

Old Navy Printed Satin Flats, $15; Old Navy Canvas Skimmers, $16.50; and Old Navy Canvas Skimmers, $12.99

AE Print Espadrille Ballet Flat, $19.95 and AE Springtime Flat, $14.95

summer projects

2007-07-08T21:18:00.001-05:00

summertime scones

2007-07-04T00:41:00.000-05:00

Mallory linked me to pretty much The Most Perfect scone recipe over at the Star Tribune a while ago. I've made both blueberry and strawberry so far this summer. And if I weren't leaving for India next Saturday(!) I'd bake a couple dozen more.

My brother graduated and my grandma brought a big pail of strawberries from the patch in her yard when she visited for the party. 1.25 cups for scones barely made a dent in the bucket.

While the recipe is meant to be for strawberry scones, my momma and I both agreed that blueberry was better. They also kept longer. I just put in a cup and a quarter blueberries and cut out the preserves, currants, and (obviously) the strawberries. In fact, I didn't put preserves or currants in my strawberry scones, either. I've been so wound up about the details in the past couple years that I think I've finally caved into a permanent state of tossing-hands-in-the-air. Don't have preserves? Who cares! I should really iron this before sewing it, huh? Oh well! Put in a tablespoon instead of a teaspoon of baking soda? Scooping parts out will be good enough, I'm sure. And it usually is.

By the way: I did manage to add a sprinkling of sugar to the top of my scones. Without the recipe telling me to and everything. I'd recommend it.

home life

2007-01-04T22:41:00.000-06:00

I should be writing here more often. Perhaps that should be a resolution, but I don't want to seal it in just yet. For now, some photos I took around the bedroom at home.

end of summer blues

2006-08-17T02:52:00.002-05:00

Do you ever feel nostalgic for something that you never really had? I watched "Lackawanna Blues" tonight (which I recommend, by the way), and I felt this strange longing for the times of the 40s and 50s. Not simply clothing, but lifestyles...jars of lemonade and sitting on the front porch and leaving the door unlocked all the time and dancing--really dancing!--and the blues, of course. I think part of why I'm so in love with secondhand, vintage clothing and housewares is that I have this silly nostalgia for times that seem so much better (in some ways) in my eyes.

For a long time I had been looking at the jewelry counters in department stores, searching for a pretty little locket. I rarely found any, and if I did they were meant to be extremely childish (and thus had little chains) or they were exceptionally gaudy or cheap or super expensive or just not quite what I imagine when I think of a locket. About a month ago I got lucky, though, and I bought a beautiful old locket at a thrift store. Once I brought it home I peeked in it and saw a picture of a man that seems to be some lovely old woman's husband. He's wearing thick rimmed glasses and a veteran's hat in this little black and white photograph, and he's not exactly a young fellow. In my mind I imagine this woman has been married to this man for years and has changed the picture in her locket as they've grown older together. Something about someone keeping someone with them always, in a locket near their heart, is just so wonderful and appealing to me. Of course, my made up story is just that--completely made up. Who knows who really wore that locket, what their life was like, how they really felt? Even so, maybe I'll take out that picture and tuck it away somewhere safe, and maybe put in a photo of my home, or something I feel is sacred enough to keep near always. I can pretend that is how the world is now, still. Maybe I'll even style my hair into a bouffant and wear an apron all day long. Because, though I know it didn't really belong to me, the feel of such a time feels special and real and true.

a fit

2006-08-14T01:00:00.001-05:00

I'm currently throwing an internal temper tantrum. I tend to do this at the end of most seasons, but Summer's is always particularly bad (lucky Summer, I know). I think that I get too anxious about all of the should-ofs and wish-I-would-haves. Instead of saying "Oh well, there's always next year," I try to fit in too much, or I plan to fit it all in last minute, and then I am inevitably left disappointed or upset with myself. I suppose there isn't a lot that I'll be devastated not to have finished this summer, but I tend to wonder, What if I never tackle that project? Will I continually live in a cycle of regret? What if I never really learn to play that guitar? Will I ever finish that purple scarf? How about non-rectangle knitting projects? This summer I've only been swimming twice, and never made it out to a lake! Only six paintings finished...that's barely one a week, and I actually only busted out the paints two times. I was going to plan ahead for Fall's visit, and all of the activities I have planned for then. "Now I'll be even more stressed during the fall, since I haven't gotten an early start!" Regrets, regrets. I realize this is all inconsequential and silly. And it's really horrible, this end-of-summer anxiety that prompts my hissy fits, because it prevents me from enjoying and appreciating what I do have left. Instead I urge the world to slow down, to give me a few more days, a month, I'll even take hours! to finish what I planned for the summer. And that's not a very relaxing way to finish the "lazy" days. Just a little more time, that's all I need! (Oh, what a familiar phrase, year round!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to Fall (I can't quite remember when it's capitalized, though, so I'm pretending I'm anthropomorphizing). Thanks to Alicia's post, I was looking at the beautiful online Boden catalog. Everything reminded me of that wonderful back-to-school excitement, full of rich Fall colors. I particularly remember my favorite fourth grade outfit, a teal jumper with bright purple tights. I also had the same jumper in purple with teal tights, and I thought both sets were the greatest ever. I think I may still be (not so) subconsciously influenced by those elementary school days, with black Mary Janes and new yellow Eagle pencils (my favorite #2s because they had nice erasers, plus soft white wood that felt good and not too scratchy on my fingers).
I'll like to layer up in skirts and tights, scarves and jackets. But my summer gloom is keeping me from being too eager yet. I think this slump will pass with time, but a nice cool autumn day would sure help ease me out of my fit. I miss my sweaters! Oh, I can be so childish. Usually I use 'childish' in a very good way, but not during any piece of time that involves the words "fit," "temper," "hissy," or "tantrum."

Secondhand

2006-08-09T00:06:00.000-05:00

I have been meaning to do a post devoted to summer thrift and secondhand items for quite a while, but that lovely summer procrastination set in and prolonged my plan. First I felt I should clean everything up first. Well, make it all presentable enough for a little mini photoshoot at the very least, and I planned to eventually make sure it was all clean clean clean to use and have around, since I am strangely particular about such things. Then I thought 'Well, if I'm going to clean any of it, I might as well go ahead and make it all clean clean, if not clean clean clean, since I'll be cleaning it up at all.' So I went ahead and gave everything a wash or elbow grease or whatever was called for, and then I needed good light to shoot in, which is a daytime thing, and it always seemed to be night whenever the urge to photograph struck me. Today, however, was a success! And so I present the first of what will probably be many secondhand filled posts.

The fabric pictured above is from an estate sale I went to on Friday with my wonderful pals Natalie and Rachel. We went to three estate sales and these are from the last we went to, a real treat, which was exactly what an estate sale should be in my mind: an adorable house from the sixties filled to the brim with old lady style treasures. Which, unfortunately, also means old lady grandma house smell, but the washing machine and a nice dryer sheet took care of that.

These adorable peeptoe heels are also from estate sales, from our first stop. At $1 per pair I didn't even care that they are far too small for me (a 7 1/2 and an 8) because I can surely find someone who will want them, I imagine. And I just can't stand that something lovely might never find a home, which is generally my problem when buying anything, particularly secondhand, because it means I probably don't actually need whatever I'm purchasing, but rather just find it too charming or pretty or ridiculous for it to go unowned.

This green tablecloth is something that I picked up in Grinnell, at Second Mile, while visiting wonderful friends this summer. Second Mile was just packed with things I found I just wanted so much that everything turned into something I had to have. I also quite like this photo I took of the tablecloth. While estate saling with those girls I was constantly (and probably annoyingly) repeating that I NEED a house, or at least an apartment, somewhere permanent, to fill with all of these fantastic finds. I passed up a mod red armless armchair that I probably could have had for a quarter (they were pushing everything as make-an-offer we-want-it-out-of-our-hair) and so many great linens and china and much more and oh! it was all glorious.

I feel as though this is going to get less and less tasteful and more outrageous as I go on. Accordingly, I present these crazy gold plastic sunglasses with yellow (maybe they were shooting for gold here, too?) lenses. I have a certain person in mind to give these to, as my own everyday glasses make nutso sunglasses a mere dream for me. Another 2nd Mile find.

This is actually something I will either pass on to someone who will make use of it, or hold on to for my own travels (hopefully in about a year, yikes yikes). A vintage travel journal (look inside!). 2nd Mile for this one, as well.

Next up, a beautiful album I had hoped to use for the polaroids we took of all of our visitors last year, but it's made for the slightly smaller photos of the sixties, not for polaroids. I have another album that was first planned for that particular project, before this blue number seemed more ideal, so all is not lost. I'm thinking maybe I'll do an art project in this instead (with art pages displayed in the photo slots, I'm not going to cut the album up or ruin it in any way, don't worry!).

This oval frame is a cheap looks-like-wood plastic, and it was cheap, at Second Mile. I have a bunch of random frames on a wall in my room, this one should fit in nicely. I'm not sure I'll actually have pictures or artwork that will fit in this...perhaps I'll just hang it as is. If I put quite a few various frames on the wall (all of them now are rectangular with art in them) I think it will look just as at-home as any other frame.

Sorry, you can see my hand and camera reflected in the glass. Originally you could see me taking the picture, all disheveled and messy, which wasn't quite what I was going for. Though it did make me feel like a real photographer, down and dirty in hopes of the perfect shot. Then I realized I was in my entryway in the suburbs of Minneapolis, not in wild forests of far away lands, so I decided to photograph things while laying on my stomach, to make it at least a little dramatic. Those photos were horrible. I eventually returned to regular ol' me.

I'm questioning this photo collage in hindsight. It doesn't really fit in with any of what I've got, but it might look kind of crazily cute against my light purple walls. We'll see. The inset photos are what I really bought it for, fun fun!

Please pardon the glare, I took this in the afternoon and perhaps there was, dare I say it, too much light?

I also purchased these two vintage scrapbooks at 2nd Mile. Currently the blogger image uploader refuses to work nicely for me, but tomorrow I'll try to fix it. I think they scrapbooks are the greatest looking, but I'm worried about actually using them for anything. I'm pretty positive the paper in them would be horrible because of acidity and whatnot, but I think that maybe I can just buy new filler paper and find a different project for the old pages. What I'll scrapbook about, I have no idea. (Sidenote: I have decided to never ever again photograph items with such bold fabrics as the background. Some of the bloggers I admire do so flawlessly, but my photos just look dark and gross.)

Oh, this estate sale find of mine (the same sale as the shoes) has me really excited. A vintage Kodak camera, it uses 616 film. I don't have any of said film, but I think I might be able to find some (though perhaps it'll be expired, but what an adventure that could be). My only problem might be processing, unless I can find a darkroom savvy soul who would like to undertake this project with me. Nonetheless, this camera is fantastic.

I still have a few fabrics, picture frames, and other already photographed finds to share, but I think this is awfully long as it is. For now I'll finish with a phonograph (I've been trying to fit in as many 'f' sounds as possible here in this last paragraph). This is the second record player I've bought this summer, and I think it will have to belong to someone else. I really like the one I have, and this new one needs speakers, which means more money, which is all rather unnecessary since I already own a record player. You can take a better look at this newest-to-me phonograph here. Tomorrow I think I'll finish with the other already photo-ed pieces, and perhaps some costume jewelry will make an appearance, as well! I've been working on this post for over an hour and a half (not including shoot time--can you totally tell I'm playing pretend while doing that?) and it still looks rather junky, imho (my so-called life!), so I'll additionally try to work on a nicer formatting system of some sort.

consumerism

2006-07-26T16:17:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been really into buying lots of pretty things that I really don't need (a post full of recent thrift purchases is currently being planned, actually). The above, taken from melovescookies (on flickr), is an example of why I just can't seem to escape the itch to buy. Her fantastic outfit is mostly handmade and thrifted, though, which is nice.

I haven't been to a mall forever, but I saw my friends Natalie and Rachel on Monday, and they both looked wonderful and made me jealous. Natalie was wearing layered tees, one with puffy sleeves and a scoop neck (puffy sleeves are one of my weaknesses, you know, along with polka dots and teacher tie blouses), and she said she bought a bunch of cute shirts during one of those retail sale things. I've been good about only really buying second hand for a long time now (which is great for finding old vintage treasures), but recently I have been fighting the urge to buy lots of simple t-shirt tops for layering. And I think I might legitimately need new jeans, though it might just be that my desire for them has become so great that they now seem a necessity. This consumer bug is particularly bad when I'm home, with time to peek at fall collections and gawk at all of the fashionable creative bloggers I'm in awe of. If you don't know about wardrobe_remix, for example, you have been missing out. Be warned, time seems to fly by when you're on flickr, particularly wardrobe_remix--a project started by recent Parson's graduate Tricia Royal/pintuck, whose style (and talent) I'm totally jealous of. Look, she's straight out of a magazine. While I don't always think every single thing posted to w_r is super fantastic, it's mostly a difference of taste thing. There are tons of really inspiring and creative kids posting. I think melovescookies is specifically totally awesome, just look at her crazy impressive poses. Some of these girls might even make me a leggings convert (something about refusing to wear jeans and thus only wearing leggings under giant sweaters or the occasional jumper until fifth grade...my mistakes just keep me from accepting leggings in a modern context. The layers, though, hold such possibilities...)

I'm sure I'll have thoughts about Project Runway after tonight's episode, too, and then my urge to buy will be nearly overwhelming. Maybe washing and putting away my new 2nd Mile thrift purchases will keep me inspired for a while. I love that new-to-me clothes period when it's all about playing dress up and exploring new outfits.

'Welcome' and 'Hello'

2006-07-25T23:40:00.001-05:00

Welcome. This is the place I've decided to set up for myself, a place to fill with things that I want to share, things that fill my mind and dreams and days and life. Currently it's this summer: a summer I feel is mine, a summer full of green. Something about shades and hues of green, it hits me somewhere deep. Maybe because green is so often connected with life, particularly plants. Greens--light at beginnings, as sprouts, later vivacious and bold, or that evergreen persistence.

This is a very strong sign of things to come, I imagine. I begin in one place and am swept up and end somewhere entirely different. For now I merely want to say welcome, I hope we can be fantastic bosom friends. Kindred spirits. I'm off to watch "Angels in America" now. But I'll be back again soon. Enjoy this summer full of green.

Hello, Hi, Hey.

2006-07-25T22:42:00.000-05:00

This is just a simple post so I can change the template.