far away

Usually I really like storms but tonight I was home alone and it got dark and rain and hail pelted my window and I got scared. I wanted company but everyone was far away. I flossed and spent a long time tidying up in the bathroom because pretending to be in a safe space feels less scary than going to a safe space on purpose, even if you know you're pretending the whole time. I called home and it calmed down while I talked to my dad. I called home and there was a lot of lightning while I talked to my friend. I was warned about the horrors of knee surgery and then we had to hang up. They say you should face your fears so I put on shoes and went outside. I tripped and almost fell down the stairs on the way. I worried about knee surgery. Then I went outside and listened to old voicemails. I felt like I needed something to do. It was warmer than I expected. I thought about how my life is beautiful and I should not be sad. Nobody else was outside and I liked that. It is funny how being by yourself is really nice but really lonely. So now I am going to put the sheets on my bed. They are crumpled and they will be wrinkled because I waited too long but I guess it doesn't matter, it's kind of nice.