WARMTH

I come here when I think I've figured something out.

I've deduced (decided) that my life lacks warmth. I think that is why everything's making me cry (poems, plays, glimmers of brick): no hugs, no sunlit rooms, no heart-to-hearts, no loud music, no pets, no plants, no singing in the shower, no vanilla extract. This is a list of very silly things but god do these things make me ache. I chose so many things but I feel trapped (in a small way). When I'm unhappy, when I feel trapped, I resent the wrong things (people). This weekend I will fill up on warmth and try again. Try to bring it here.

this is how we breathe

everything reminds me of everyone! pups and books and trees and hands and faces. which is how we know anything. and it all changes. what a thing. water glasses! imitations! god i love pretending things. the idea of things.

ideas and symbols and messages. i've talked to some people who underestimate the largeness of those and that's been a source of many of my frustrations lately. that, and knowing when someone else just isn't going to get it. or me. maybe there's no it. getting each other. i need to (like to) practice.

i really want to talk about god! but not theology. just everyone's fucked up ideas about spirits and decaying and cats and you and i.

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