a fit

I'm currently throwing an internal temper tantrum. I tend to do this at the end of most seasons, but Summer's is always particularly bad (lucky Summer, I know). I think that I get too anxious about all of the should-ofs and wish-I-would-haves. Instead of saying "Oh well, there's always next year," I try to fit in too much, or I plan to fit it all in last minute, and then I am inevitably left disappointed or upset with myself. I suppose there isn't a lot that I'll be devastated not to have finished this summer, but I tend to wonder, What if I never tackle that project? Will I continually live in a cycle of regret? What if I never really learn to play that guitar? Will I ever finish that purple scarf? How about non-rectangle knitting projects? This summer I've only been swimming twice, and never made it out to a lake! Only six paintings finished...that's barely one a week, and I actually only busted out the paints two times. I was going to plan ahead for Fall's visit, and all of the activities I have planned for then. "Now I'll be even more stressed during the fall, since I haven't gotten an early start!" Regrets, regrets. I realize this is all inconsequential and silly. And it's really horrible, this end-of-summer anxiety that prompts my hissy fits, because it prevents me from enjoying and appreciating what I do have left. Instead I urge the world to slow down, to give me a few more days, a month, I'll even take hours! to finish what I planned for the summer. And that's not a very relaxing way to finish the "lazy" days. Just a little more time, that's all I need! (Oh, what a familiar phrase, year round!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to Fall (I can't quite remember when it's capitalized, though, so I'm pretending I'm anthropomorphizing). Thanks to Alicia's post, I was looking at the beautiful online Boden catalog. Everything reminded me of that wonderful back-to-school excitement, full of rich Fall colors. I particularly remember my favorite fourth grade outfit, a teal jumper with bright purple tights. I also had the same jumper in purple with teal tights, and I thought both sets were the greatest ever. I think I may still be (not so) subconsciously influenced by those elementary school days, with black Mary Janes and new yellow Eagle pencils (my favorite #2s because they had nice erasers, plus soft white wood that felt good and not too scratchy on my fingers).
I'll like to layer up in skirts and tights, scarves and jackets. But my summer gloom is keeping me from being too eager yet. I think this slump will pass with time, but a nice cool autumn day would sure help ease me out of my fit. I miss my sweaters! Oh, I can be so childish. Usually I use 'childish' in a very good way, but not during any piece of time that involves the words "fit," "temper," "hissy," or "tantrum."